You're here! Oh my god, finally, you're here!

I told you not to talk to him-at least, I tried to tell you-but none of that matters now. It's not too late for you.

I was eight years old when I first visited Circus Osorio. To this day, I don't remember what I saw there, but I know I came home different. I was less frightened of monsters. More desperate to perform. And my laugh...changed.

I think it grew up with me. In middle school, it was just a love of balloons and close-up magic. But by the time I got to grad school, I was writing out full languages that only clowns could speak. I had no idea where it all came from until I started working on this site. The Big Top page was supposed to be a video of me juggling and speaking Clownsqueak or something, but as I worked on the code, I saw him reflected in the html editor.

Monarque.

He's followed me for sixteen years now, and I think he's getting bored. He wants to find a new host.

Someone like you.

But like I said, I think it's not too late for you. Read all the instructions first, and then do these steps one by one to banish Monarque.

Go watch these three videos in order: first, this music gag, second, this balance gag, and third, a little song to close out the night. He hates Auguste buffoons, so I think these will put him off.

Once you've watched all three videos through to the end, delete this whole site from your browsing history. The most important page to catch is The Big Top. You don't want any of it to remain on your browser.

If you've successfully watched all three videos and deleted this site, you are in a great position to complete the final step: do something really, really boring. Stare at the wall for five minutes. Read a manual. Clear out your old emails. You've got to convince Monarque, if he's still with you, that you aren't worth the effort.

If you do all that, you should be okay.

If you don't? Well...

If you find yourself wearing more colorful clothes...if you ever hear circus music in your dreams...if people tell you that you seem a little clumsier...if your laugh starts to sound a little different...

Wouldn't that be funny?