For Ian Clayton’s ENG 713 ConLang class, I developed an original constructed language (or conlang [or clownlang]) to be spoken by clowns! I’m not sure why this was the idea that stuck for my project. Initially, I was interested in a symbol-based language, like Blissymbolics—but I became more interested in the idea of how performativity could be a part of language by design.
Every time we write or speak, we are performing. We are putting the self outside of the self. We are layering the order of language over our thoughts, and the perceptions of others over our language. It is impossible to say exactly what we mean, because human experience is not fully translatable into the limited vernacular of language—and if it is, very few people have the skill to do so. Certainly not clowns.
If language is a kind of farce, why shouldn’t clowning be a kind of language? So, just as we build a shared reality through our speech acts, I built a new reality (Bigtopia) full of brand-new speech acts (in Clownsqueak).
You'll notice that the report is presented with some fictional asides by a researcher among the Clownish population of Bigtopia! If I was going to tell you the truth on this website, why would I bother dressing up as a clown?
Above are the materials I used in my final Clownsqueak presentation for our 713 class!
With the permission of the Bigtopian Council’s Chief Ringmaster, I have begun a six-month participant-observation-style ethnographic study of Clown populations within Bigtopia! I will update these notes throughout the course of my research.
For the purposes of this study, a “Clown” is defined as a member of the Clown species, bred and raised by Ringmasters for performance in front of Audiences. Clowns are identifiable by their large spherical red noses, which are their main distinguishing trait as a species. I have dubbed my theorized Clown language “Clownsqueak,” and its Clown speakers “Clownsqueakers.”
Though I have yet to acquire any knowledge of Clownsqueak, and the Bigtopian Council purports that such a language does not exist, they have generously provided funding and tools for my linguistic research, as well as granted me total freedom to interact with non-performing Clowns. [Note: They are vehement that such a language cannot exist, due to the subhuman cognitive capabilities of Clowns, but were insistent that I immediately report any evidence to the contrary. I hope to be able to do so soon!]
Clownsqueak is object-initial, taking a basic OVS word order. [Note: I theorize that Clownish culture prioritizes the role of the “Object,” Clowns being generally perceived as non-agents by Ringmasters and Audiences.] The elements in a Clownish sentence follow this strict order:
Clownsqueak has no morphological case marking, using word order in neutral alignment to indicate grammatical role.
Due to Clownsqueak’s subaltern status, the inflection and derivation of words is relatively simplistic, with much semantic meaning expressed by syntax. [Note: Native speakers have expressed worry that linguistic innovation may render Clownsqueak too recognizable as communication rather than meaningless performance. Redact this?]
Squeak [ * ]: Abstract verbs, emotion or thought
Honk [ • ]: Concrete verbs, action, honking
Awooga [ @ ]: Greeting, farewell, general pleasantry
Plap [ () ]: Possessive indicator
Rrr [ ~ ]: Tool, utility
Squirt [ “ ]: Numeric indicator, multiplicity
Fart [ {} ]: Humorous tone indicator, joke, funny
High Raspberry [ ^ ]: Living creature, active, vitality
Low Raspberry [ ⌄ ]: Inanimate object / dead creature, inactive, death
Tktktk: Filler vocalization, meaningless
Boo: Negative, negation, bad
Hss: They (Ringmaster, singular),
Womp: Pain, injury
He: I, the self
Hee: We, community
Ho: You, non-self
Ha: They (singular), the other
Huh: Question indicator, confusion, knowledge, understanding, information [Note: I believe that the presence of Huh as a morpheme separate from the thoughtful connotations of * is indicative of Clownish preoccupation with learning and the need for frequent communication of whisper network knowledge. Redact this too?]
Hoo: This, that, specificity, objects
Oo: Positive, good, approval
When Clowns are not performing, they are stripped of their tools and kept in separate cages. They have therefore developed a spoken form of Clownsqueak (phonemes described above as “vocalized equivalent”), as well as a mimed Clownsqueak equivalent inspired by close contact with Mimes speaking in Mimetic Sign. This Clownsign is used to avoid alerting guards, and is also how Clownish children are spoken to as an aid to their acquiring Clownsqueak natively. Native speakers may therefore occasionally insert Clownsign into spoken or performed Clownsqueak for emphasis or out of habit. [Note: Redact entire report? Return funding? Flee Bigtopia?]
Clownsqueak is specific to the tools of the Clown trade, and many of its phonemes (honking a horn, playing a party blower, squirting water, honking a clown nose) are not intended to be performed using the human body, though they may be replaced with human-producible equivalents as needed. [Note: As part of rude jokes, Clowns sometimes enjoy replacing performed phonemes like “ and {} with human-produced equivalents, like squirting water from the mouth and farting.]
(Note: I wanted to buy some party blower noisemakers for class. I bought some, but they were silent. I mean, they couldn’t make noise when you blew into them. I still don’t understand why. Without sound, a party blower is just like a long, horrifying tongue. It’s eerie. Maybe that’s why I don’t remember giving the party blowers out to my classmates.)
Why should you never buy ten tires? Because if they “pshhhh” you can’t drive the car!
Huh Boo Hee⌄“ࠢ Hoˊ• Ho?
Question Neg Tires-10 Bought (Hab) You
{} ⌄^ “ࠢ Hoo ⌄^ Boo •⌄ ()• Ho
Joke + 10[Psss] That + Neg Car Drive You
Why don’t you buy ten tires? Because if they “pshhh,” you don’t drive the car!
Have you ever fucked up a balloon dog so bad that everyone thought it was dead?
Huh Ho^ ==Boo• Ho ⌄^ Huh* HeeHee ⌄^ • Hoo =⌄
Question Balloon Dog Intensely Failed You + Thought Everyone + Was That Dead
Have you messed up a Balloon Dog so badly that everyone thought that it was dead?
Even the biggest car runs out of gas. [One day the Bigtopian Empire will fall.]
^^ Boo ࠢ• •⌄ ===”
Energy Lost (Fut) Car Very Very Big
Even a very very big car will run out of energy.
=He
Secret
The Clownish people reside in Bigtopia as part of the Entertainer class, along with Mimes, and theorized others (though the close confinement of Clowns has prevented further discovery, and my own role as a non-Audience researcher has made these inquiries difficult). Like Mimes, they are ruled over by the Ringmasters, and subject to the whims of Audience members. Because Clowns are not meant to communicate with each other except as allowed by Ringmasters in the native languages of their respective Audiences, Clownsqueak is fundamentally a cryptolect, spoken by Clowns using a mix of tools of their trade and Ringmaster-allowed noises like laughter, cheers, and jeers.
The need to avoid discovery as Clownsqueak-speakers has led to the development of two speech-modes, one already discussed above under Clownsign. The other is Clowny. In a direct parallel to circus workers operating in a time before Bigtopia, when under close observation by Ringmasters, Clownsqueakers may insert a common phoneme (often Hee, Ho, or Ha) between each syllable of a word in order to make their Clownsqueak even less intelligible. When no Ringmasters or Audiences are present, some native Clownsqueakers will speak a third, clipped form of Clownsqueak known as Clownsquawk. In fluent Clownsquawk, the initial “H” phoneme on many syllables is dropped from the attached vowel, such that “Hoo” and “Oo” are distinguishable only by context.
Clownsqueak is descended from English, which is the language most commonly spoken by Ringmasters, though it is more directly related to English Audience reactions. It also takes cues from Mimetic Sign, though the only signs specifically adopted from Mimes are those for “, @, {}, and Huh. A plurality of Clownsqueak morphemes are unique to Clownish culture, as they are produced by clown-specific tools of the trade.
The main communicative goals of Clownsqueak are to learn and share information in a way that appears joking or non-communicative, use mostly the sounds and tools of Clown performance, discuss aspects of Clownish daily life, discuss and treat injuries, critique Ringmasters, and plan rebellion. Because Clowns are not allowed to reproduce naturally or see their children as infants, fluent Clownsqueak acquisition is often delayed. Because you have received a copy of this booklet in draft form before my termination from my research post, is it my hope that you will be open to this important information: Clownish infants are kept from their parents and from the public eye because they are not born with Clown noses. Clowns are human. I repeat: Clowns are human I repeat: Clowns live inside of humans. I repeat: There is a clown that lives inside of me and I think it wants to come out and it’s laughing at me for trying to write this when my fingers are stained with white makeup it’s laughing it’s laughing it’s laughing